Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
