I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
