the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
