Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize