let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
