Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
