I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
