Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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