i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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