She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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