omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
