I'm gonna have a badass scar
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
