Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
look no pants
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
