I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
