I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
