if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
