wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
