in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
