i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
