Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Still dying that you shit outside
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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