We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
