Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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