He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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