haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
