rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
