I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
