how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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