I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
How's work?
Spinning.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
