You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
