shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
