It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize
