dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
