Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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