i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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