I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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