I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize