Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
