two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
