i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize