In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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