We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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