I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
