I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
