I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize