No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
