Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I supernannyed him into submission
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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