just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
