i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What drink are we having for lunch?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
