so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
