You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
they need to just BURY HIM!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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