can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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