Yo dont text me then not text me
so explain again why im purple
no
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
