i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
