North Korea, Best Korea!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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