There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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