Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
