No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
