woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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