Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
