elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
