She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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