your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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