So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
