woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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