She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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