I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize