i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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