so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
