What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
