I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
