Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
