I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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