We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize