and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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