I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
