I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
