I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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