You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
