Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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