Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
